Hi

I think all my life, my fats have bothered me, they are like a constant nightmare I cannot get rid off, sometimes I wish I could wake up and see myself being normal again. I have always read bout ppl who would get eating disorders and I told myself that that would never happen to me. I love food too much to give it up. Even though I am excercising now, I just put on more weight than lose it. Times like this mak Me feel like being aneroxic. I mean. If it makes me look better why. Yet it is tough, maybe one day I will fall down that path but not today,bacause of my looks and size, I have really given up a lot of things mentally, I guess in this superficial world,you won't anything with a beautiful heart, cause peoplelook at you from your outside.This has bothered me all my life, and if given a chance i will get rid of it once and for all, that is why I would go for plastic surgey if given a chance to. I just give up.

TOodles
Rachel

Hey,

Recently have been quite coop up, things are happening and i feel like a freaking no lifer, the best part are all the parties tempting me all this while. First butterfactory , now St james powerstation. The best part, My wild side is coming out very soon, Everytime i party once during my hols, it is a night that i really enjoy all that and go crazy with the music that bring my feet along. I mean now i wanna do this stuff, i have people to stop me all over and not go with me.

Even though i hold a goody goody 2 shoes rept, i still have my wild side, to do everything crazy for once . Not my best rept, but i love the thrills and the fun of it, living on the high life. I will still come back down . Just one night all i am asking. now a simply stay out is no longer as good as it was. somehow people are just disappearing all over. I am tired and seriously i need a life.

Tomorrow last paper get over and done with.

Physics can kiss my ass goodbye

TOodles
Rachel

First time in my life, i dun feel i have done enough for exams, i feel so nervous and fustrated. Even though i spend the whole week studying, it is never enough. I can't write a proper essay for econs, i am worried i did not put what mr low say into use. My maths is half done, i only know the theories but know nuts bout application and i am not confident bout chem.What am i gonna do.I really feel so upset and wish someone got H1N1 so we could have one extra week to study . i just need that week so i can try to catch up on what i really do not understand. Anyway i am prepared for U, I have no idea what to do for my econs especially.

Bye
Rachel

Hey all,

ok before i get to the topic of today i shall just update all, I fell down yesterday while training for triathlon on my bike, i seriously like flew out, so now i look like a ninja with elbow and knee pads. overall i hope i recover soon enough and i seriously look like a goof ball.

On to today's topic, transformer. I seriously have never watch the show and never took interest in robots, cars , guns or war. so watching this show was like very new to me. like some swaku cause the guys make me go watch. so i had to be " one of them". I thought it was boring at first but then the show was nice and it was quite thrilling so i jump in my seat several times la.The best part was i da pao my dinner in, then i tie too tightly, then i ask shean yang help me open, i bought 2 drinks and ask him to help me open, after that i needed to go to the toilet but it was during the thrilling part where sam was bringing the matrix to optimus prime. who is the last desecdant of the primes. That part was thrilling. There were touoching moments where the super old, super chao lao decepticons turned autobots gave up his parts and sacrifice himself for optimus went the bad guy stole the matrix from optimus. Overall this movie really change my perceptive on how not to judge a movie by what it is about. Usually i just watch teen/ chick flicts. I know it is not exactly what people call a great movie but i just enjoy movies that do not make me use my brain. However a show that i never really like , made me change my mind well.

Oh yeah and even though i talked bout optimus prime, i still feel bumble bee is the best. he is really cute when he talks to sam plus. he is quite strong. he totally shredded one of the decepticons and left his bones. plus his loyalty to sam makes him my favourite. Bumble bee is really sam's sidekick aside from megan fox

Speaking of which, i finally seen who is megan fox, haha ok she is quite hot la( i am a girl and i say this) . But pls enough of the gagaing over her and i doubt the rumors were true.

Lesson learnt: never judge a movie by what it flims , it may hold values that you should see.

Real lesson learnt: DUN DRINK TOO MUCH WATER, if not you will feel tempted to miss the good parts in the movie .

That's all

Thanks
Rachel

Hey people,

I am back from japan, that is great.First off i would like to say sorry for not blogging, too busy to but I will try to update once in a while. Japan photos are up on facebook, I wonder if I could link it down.ok secondly I would like to thank who have given me wise words bout. Liking someone, the good news is I no longer like that guy, cause I realise I liked him for his looks, and not his character. Liking him for his looks would make me as shallow as him, as he likes another girl for her looks. Japan woke me up and gave me time to think through. The double good news is ,for the first time in my life, my heart is empty, I am in love, not jumping into liking someone else and that is a good think, I am gonna concentrate on my dream. So all pls stop being worried for me, there is something I have learn, it may sound familar

"If a guy is interested, he would make the first move and go all out"

That what I have learn and I guess I have become stronger.Now bout school, I seriously hate homework, cause it is killing me and it is tiring, but I choose this so oh well. Anyway I feel damn guilty bout not studying for 3 days, that is bad

That all I have folks as you can see what a nerd I turn into

TOodles
Rachel

my emotions overwhelm me, this place seriously has become a place for me to let go my emotional distress , but yet readers dun like the fact that i am posting emotional stuff, these few months in JC taught me a lot, they show me what this world is, they taught me to cope with tons of thing physically, emotionally and mentally. I hope i have grown stronger over all the experiences.

Yet loving remains the same, i piss xinyi off with my lousy characteristic problems, i am too tired. Below is what the sums up my emotions.

i am tired of being all alone
and the solitary moments makes me want to come back home
-secondhand serenade your call

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreaming
except we always woke up
never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much
- FM static Tonight

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
-taylor swift, love story

it is always like being tired and remembering, being painful most of the time

Anyway i am going japan from the 30th may to the 6th June. all miss me ok, anyway TPCO all the best for panorama, i will be there in my heart to support you guys.

TOodles
Rachel

Love is like the wind, you can't see it , yet you know it is there

hey all

school has been very stressful for me, i seem to falling under all the pressure that there is there, but i chose this path and i shall finish it till my A levels. Aside from that, i just finish my SYF.

SYF training was tough, as it we had to stay back till 9 pm in school and i had to stay up till 2-3 am in the morning to do my homework,which i am rather slow at.That why i am sick now

i have come to accept the school life here at JC, i thank god for the great friends i have made, my classmates and CCA mates whom have given their concern over me constantly,they are mainly the reasons why i like school a lot better than i used to. Everyday is a different feeling in school. A less tense day would be wed and fri.

SYF has sort of destroyed my passion for music. I realise that if music is played under stress pressure and expectation, it will completely destroy the passion for creativity and freestyling. I need to develop back the passions for music.It is so important to be as music is the only thing that sees me thoroughly through. It does not lie bout my feelings, it brings about how i feel and my character anad personality in it's song. It tells my fears , weakness and strength. It accepts me for my flaws and strength, that why i love music so much.

I am thinking of taking music theory, once again considering on taking on the music route. to do compositions and doing the thing i love most.Maybe i should get a job at a music store this year, as maybe a assiatant or something like that.

that all i have

TOodles
Rachel